11 subtle red flags that should be a relationship deal breaker (2024)

Dating is a game almost everyone plays in their lifetime. Navigating this game can be dangerous and difficult. No one likes to fall in love with someone who leaves them with a broken heart.

Luckily there are 11 subtle red flags you can notice early on in the relationship that could save you from heartbreak:

1. Manipulative behavior

All forms of abuse are major red flags, but manipulation can be a little harder to recognize. Guilt trips like, “If you actually loved me you would…” are used frequently by manipulators. If you find yourself agreeing to do things you would normally never do, you are being manipulated. Get out of the relationship as soon as you can. You deserve respect.

2. The ex is still around

You should be your partner's number one. If your significant other still talks to, spends time with or complains about their ex, you are not being respected like you should. Negative talk about an ex can also indicate that your partner blames the last break up on the other person and doesn’t take responsibility for their own actions. It indicates that they may blame future problems on you.

3. Lazy to the extreme

A healthy relationship requires each person to put 100 percent of themselves forward. If your partner doesn’t plan anything or doesn’t ever want to go out and about, they are not putting their full effort into your relationship.

4. Breaking promises

Relationships are built on trust, and constantly breaking promises can demolish that trust. If you can’t trust your man to take you out to dinner when he promised, how can you trust him when something more important comes along? Occasionally, situations do come up and small promises may be broken, but if it becomes a habit, consider terminating your relationship.

5. Immature

If you are dating someone who is irresponsible, immature and unpredictable, you should prepare yourself for heartbreak or a break up. Date adults who are responsible, respectful and logical.

6. Rude to waiters

If you find your partner is rude to waiters or other people in service-oriented jobs, they likely have a superiority complex. This means they feel insecure and worry about failure so much that they put others down to feel better about themselves. One day they might treat you the same way, so get out while you still can.

7. History of short relationships

When your partner has a history of ending relationships after three to nine months, this indicates a fear of commitment. Though you may want to be the person who your significant other marries, you may not be. You will put a lot into this kind of relationship only to end up heartbroken.

8. Self-deprecating jokes

If your significant other engages in such jokes, they may lack confidence, and will rely on you to build them up. You will spend all of your time and energy building them up while they constantly tear themselves down. This type of relationship will leave you feeling physically and mentally drained.

9. Fights in public

If your partner picks fights in public, they lack respect for you. Your personal relationship doesn't need to be put on display for others. Respect builds trust in relationships, and without it, your relationship will suffer.

10. Concerned friends and family

Family and friends see your relationship differently than you. They are not clouded with feelings of love, lust or attraction. If they bring up concerns about your relationship, listen to them carefully. They want what’s best for you.

11. Gut feelings

Don’t ignore your gut feeling. If you have uneasy feelings about your partner, pay attention to those notions. You might not figure out why you are uneasy, but trust yourself to recognize emotionally or physically dangerous red flags. Your gut will help you make the right decisions.

Red flags are easy to ignore when you have feelings for someone, but you should always look out for them. Some annoyances or pet peeves are not considered red flags, and can be fixed through conversation. Generally, you will see multiple red flags and at least one of them will be a deal breaker. Trust your loved ones to tell you their concerns, but most importantly trust your gut. You will know when it is time to break up.

Stacie Simpson, FamilyShare

Stacie Simpson is a journalism student. She loves listening to, gathering and sharing stories and advice to help others improve their quality of life. She spends most of her free time with her husband, ballroom dancing, reading and writing.

11 subtle red flags that should be a relationship deal breaker (1)
11 subtle red flags that should be a relationship deal breaker (2024)

FAQs

11 subtle red flags that should be a relationship deal breaker? ›

For both men and women considering long-term relationships, Apathetic was the strongest red flag, followed by Gross, Clingy, Addicted, Unmotivated, and Promiscuous. For shorter-term relationships, women and men rated Gross as the biggest deal-breaker, followed by Clingy, Apathetic, and then Unmotivated.

What's your deal breaker in a relationship answer? ›

For both men and women considering long-term relationships, Apathetic was the strongest red flag, followed by Gross, Clingy, Addicted, Unmotivated, and Promiscuous. For shorter-term relationships, women and men rated Gross as the biggest deal-breaker, followed by Clingy, Apathetic, and then Unmotivated.

What is the number one deal breaker in a relationship? ›

One of the most common relationship deal breakers is infidelity. Although some partners can mend things after cheating or betrayal has occurred, for many people, it's a sign that the relationship needs to end.

What's your biggest red flag in a relationship? ›

Physical, emotional, and mental abuse are undeniable red flags in any relationship. Physical abuse is easier to pick up. But emotional and mental abuse can be just as damaging in the long run. And just like physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse can cause PTSD.

What are red flags or dealbreakers? ›

Common relationship deal breakers include abuse, selfishness, clinginess, substance abuse, anger issues, negativity, poor communication, and an unwillingness to compromise. Recognizing and acknowledging red flags is the first step towards a healthier relationship. Don't ignore the signs.

What is an instant deal breaker in a new relationship? ›

Any sort of abuse is an automatic relationship deal-breaker. Whether this abuse is physical, verbal, or emotional, you should never tolerate any type of abusive treatment and behavior in a relationship.

What are non-negotiables in a relationship? ›

Relationship and dating non-negotiables are traits, values, and principles that are crucial for someone's health and happiness within a partnership. They're the boundaries you won't and shouldn't compromise on — including but not limited to moral outlooks, family values, and lifestyle choices.

What are the 10 red flag symptoms? ›

Examples of red flag symptoms in the older adult include but are not limited to: fever, sudden unexplained weight loss, acute onset of severe pain, neural compression, loss of bowel or bladder function, jaw claudication, new headaches, bone pain in a patient with a history of malignancy or that awakens the patient from ...

What's your red flag in a guy? ›

Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.

What is a red flag warning in relationships? ›

“A red flag is basically a reason to either stop the relationship altogether or kind of back away a little bit because it's ... a clue or a hint of like an underlying issue,” Schiff adds.

What is potential red flags? ›

A red flag refers to some warning signal that points to a potential threat, real or perceived—and which warrants further investigation. In investing, a red flag is a threat to a company's share price, which can appear on a company's financials, via headlines, or through social media.

What is 3 red flags? ›

Three Red Banners (Chinese: 三面红旗) was an ideological slogan in the late 1950s which called on the Chinese people to build a socialist state. The "Three Red Banners" also called the "Three Red Flags," consisted of the General Line for socialist construction, the Great Leap Forward and the people's communes.

How do you test for red flags in a relationship? ›

Red flags you want to watch out for in a relationship or while dating:
  1. • Being dishonest.
  2. • Not keeping their word.
  3. • Not having empathy.
  4. • Any kind of abuse and violence (emotional, physical, or sexual)
  5. • Does not respect your time (e.g. always cancels last minute)
  6. • Tries to isolate you from your friends and family.
Sep 4, 2023

What's a deal breaker for you in a relationship meaning? ›

something that would cause a person to abandon a plan, mutual arrangement, agreement, or relationship: Sorry, but entering into marriage with a partner who has hefty debt or terrible credit is definitely a deal breaker.

How do you tell someone you are a deal breaker? ›

With committed, long-term relationships, let your partner in on how deal breaker behaviors affect you and offer a specific action you'd prefer they take. It could go like this: “You might not feel the same way, but when you don't text me back all day, I feel really anxious.

When something is a deal breaker? ›

plural deal-breakers also deal breakers or dealbreakers. 1. : someone or something that prevents a deal or arrangement from being reached or fulfilled.

Is lying a deal breaker in a relationship? ›

That includes lying, failing to disclose something or concealing anything else on this list of deal breakers. Both men and women seem particularly sensitive to lies about age and marital status—trust plays a pivotal role here.

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